I haven’t been posting as much as I thought I would. This whole endeavor is hard, really hard. I mean.. people told me that it was going to be like this, that it would be awful, that we would all be hot messes of conflicting feelings. Well.. yeah. It’s one thing to hear it, and another to experience it.
After the yard sale, Doug and I were both kind of shell shocked. We just looked at each other and went, “What just happened?!?” We spent a while talking about how we were feeling that night (like we do every night), and we both described such a wide range of feelings, but also an overwhelming feeling of numbness. For me, it just felt like there was too much to feel, you know? We were relieved that we had survived the yard sale and that it had been successful, but it also kind of had that “post-Christmas let down” feel. We were glad that all the boxes and bins and trash bags were out of the house, but oddly surprised by the fact that we still had a ton of junk, but now nowhere to put it. We were sad to see some of our favorite things not sell, then get put on the curb pretty much as trash, but we were validated that so many people wanted our stuff. And we were terrified of what the next step was, where to go from there.
And that was just the night of the yard sale!
Every day, at least one kid has a meltdown of some kind that, while on the surface is about one thing, is really about this move. Sometimes everyone has a meltdown. Some kids are just sad but can’t really put into words why. Some kids get unreasonably frustrated about a game they’re playing and dissolve into hysterical tears. Some kids are WAY snarkier than they would otherwise be. Some kids want to spend inordinate amounts of time cuddling. I spend a good part of the day helping the kids sort through big feelings, sorting through my own big feelings, and supporting Doug while he sorts through his big feelings.
And this is with us actually really looking forward to traveling! It’s still just really, really hard. It’s scary and sad and exciting and just a big old mess.
Oh! And after everyone had settled down over the yard sale and we had picked ourselves up and brushed ourselves off, November 8th came. The election. We got knocked down again. I’m not going to make this into a political post, but let’s just say we spent a lot of time very upset. And we’re still upset. We’re sad and angry and afraid.. and we’re not a demographic most likely to be targeted by hate. But again, we picked ourselves up and dusted ourselves off, and we’ve been trying to do things to help. We have “You Matter” flyers with positive messages that we post at the parks and library. I keep a pad of Post-It notes and a Sharpie in my pocket and leave notes on the bathroom mirrors. We made lots of beaded safety pins and keychains with positive messages to hand out. So we’re busy in that way, too.
So hopefully soon we’ll find our feet again and I’ll be able to post more regularly. But given that our moving date is November 30th.. we’ll see!